What do you mean im OUT!!!?? He thundered

“I’m sorry, but The Board has voted”

I Built This. All of This. With my own two hands and you think you can just cast me out!?

“The Board’s decision is final”

It'll be a cold day in Hell before you keep me out of my own home

“Gabriel, please escort God off the premises”


Jesus Christ and Other Swear Words

Stories from the Avocado Pit of Despair

Today is the 8th day and God wakes with a hangover and a Crisis. Purgatory is overflowing with indifferent souls. The Mortal Year is 2020 and life just does not look right.

God hires the dead lawyers, bankers and partners of the Big 4 Accounting Firms to consult on a solution.

…. it does not go well.

A series of connected short stories told in an A/B format.


Can we be saved?
Will the French Bulldog Puppy ever roll over!?

Fast-paced, fun, and dripping with satire.
150 pages, 25,000 words, and every single one has a purpose.

Written in 8 days. Its the most fun I’ve ever had

Chapter X: Crossfit vs Soulcycle ft Pontius Pilates Studio

Chapter X: Crossfit vs Soulcycle ft Pontius Pilates Studio

“I laughed so hard I needed Tums!”

“Sharply insightful and perfect topical satire”

“How are you in my head!??”

“V is genius, I started welling up at the end”

“Truly epic. I was totally sucked in. Suddenly it had been like 2 hours and it was over. The writing style is incredible. There are so many fresh metaphors. Plays on the stereotypical millennial shit but with a raw funny but sort of disturbing tone that feels new. Idk if I even digested all of it, I want to read it again!”

“Watch out for it’s vs its, otherwise its pretty good”

“Holy F”

“Laughed so hard I missed my train”

“Im waiting for my dinner-dates to arrive and decided to start into X: Crossfit. Have to go to the bathroom to clean the snot running down my lip im laughing so hard. I couldn’t stop reading it was so fun. Im done now, I fucking love it.”

“Who taught you how to write!? Jesus Max, this is incredible!”


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